safety in destruction

The subtle solace that one may find in being in chaos. Some may tend to thrive in settings that are destructive, while others tend to fail. For some, there’s this “in between” position.

it’s weird.

I shouldn’t feel safe, but i do.

I really, really do.

everything’s falling apart around me, but the only thing I can do is find comfort in it.

it’s an easy thing to do, since it’s all around me constantly, but I shouldn’t feel safe.

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t comfortable.

maybe I’m the cause?

maybe I’m the reason why I feel so safe in the dysfunction?

maybe I should just let it all burn?

should it all burn?

what else can I do to destroy it?

it’s all so weird, yet so familiar.

like a moth to a flame.

drawn to it for internal reasoning, death from it from external reasoning.

it’s going to kill me, and I know it is, but why can’t I move?

cemented, as am I.

it’s just easier that way.

easier to deal with my feelings.

easier to shut-eye, followed by open-eye

easier to ignore the pain, the hurt, the forgotten.

what do they say, “ignorance is bliss”; well ignorance hasn’t made me die yet, so maybe they’re right.

safety in it all.

complacent in it all.

but do I have the time or the power to be complacent in it all?

I should find a way out, but I can’t.

it’s pulling me in, but I know I need a way out.

complacent in it all.

so very weird.